(Untitled)

(Disclaimer: There are many grammatical errors in the following post and it is somewhat poorly written, but the ideas needed to be spewed out in some fashion and I'm too busy to go through and edit this crazy mess of thoughtage.)

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living"

This is one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books. The reason I like it so much is because I feel as though I can relate. I always want to do so much, be so many places, experience as much as I possibly can. This attitude gets tiring, however, because it's a constant let down. It's just not humanly possible to live a multitude of different lives. I've also learned that when you do try to live different lives you miss out on all the experiences buried deep down in a life; experiences that can only come from living one single life to the absolute fullest. This may sound like a bunch of hullabaloo, but I'll try to further expand in as close to a comprehensible manner as I can manage.

This year has seemed like the longest year of my life, yet it has gone faster than any other year of my life. I feel as though I've tried to live a multitude of different lives and in a way I have. I've gotten to experience a small private school and dorm life. I've also gotten to experience living downtown by myself. I've worked like mad, I've filmed like mad, I've studied like mad and in return have gone mad in a way. Mad for life, love, friends, family, adventure. I want it all. I have learned, however, that it is difficult to have it all, especially when you are constantly hopping from place to place in order to find it. I feel as though I've never succumbed to so many cliches before.

You can't have it all. Pursue your dreams! Good things come to those who wait. You can do anything you set your mind to. Many have proved themselves to be true and many have proved themselves to be mere words.

I've not accomplished exactly what I had hoped to accomplish by the end of this year. Now I know this may sound contradictory but I am not someone who creates expectations but rather I formulate ideas and come to a general consensus on things. This year I formulated an idea of who I wanted to be and who I thought I would end up being by the end of this year. One thing I thought I'd be was extremely well read and collegiate. In actuality I have not had any time to read a single one of the books on my list for this year. Last semester I was at least required to read books which were fairly decent. This semester, however, not a single one of my classes required reading of any sort of real book. I have also failed on the whole collegiate thing. I am not any of the definitions of any type of college kid. I have not gotten extremely into school, or partying, (which is good!) or anything much about college.

I also thought I'd have an ultra long list of fantastic blog posts that describe this year's journey more in depth and this I regret the most, but time did not allow for such things. I just couldn't manage to put my hectic life on hold in order to write about life; kind of a funny thought. I can't think of any other examples of who I thought I'd be because they've all disintegrated with who I had to be in order to thrive and make it through this year. I do think that someone can chose who they want to be, but sometimes a situation chooses for the person. What I mean by this is that everyone needs to adapt to their surroundings in some way. For instance working for over 20 hours a week and taking 18 credits has shaped me into a very tough individual and one who is better at time management strictly because I have to be that way now. I often wish I had more time to do leisurely things like write for fun and go on walks and just sit and contemplate life, but I know that things have to get done. I occasionally miss the lolly-gagging, head up in the clouds, crazy kid I am when I don't have to worry or rather focus on things of "great consequence". For awhile I was worried the whimsy in me had died, but one day off of work was all it took to make me realize that it could never die and that I can easily revert back into that mode...no, not mode; my true spirit! I've now been learning how to bring a little bit of whimsy to work with me. (I make sure to put some in my purse before heading out.) Besides children's museums require such things!

My last post kind of reflects the serious layer that I had acquired last month from too much work and too much of a practical attitude. I've given myself a good talking to and have shaped up. I refuse to major in something I don't extremely enjoy just to get a degree quicker. I have chosen a different path already and one I'm willing to stick with because I think I've finally concluded the ideal career for me! Art therapy. It's the one that I would really, really like to pursue. I kind of had thoughts about it at the end of senior year, but the thoughts dissipated upon the thought of an exciting and "cool" major like film. I still enjoy film, but like I said in my other post I want to help people. Like really help people, directly. I think art therapy is still quirky enough for me and it offers numerous possibilities and I think I'd never get bored with it. I may just also be transferring again. I will not state where, but right now it is a very high possibility. It will be the last time though!

I am quite different than how I thought I would end up after this year. I won't complain though with who I've turned out to be. I've learned a lot a lot and I know I have a lot more to go. I mention earlier that I've not accomplished exactly what I had hoped to accomplish by the end of this year. Though I've not accomplished exactly what I thought I would I've still accomplished a lot. I may not always understand why things happen or how I got to where I am, but I'm ok with that. I also know that I can only do so much planning on my own. Two of my favorite verses in the bible; both from Proverbs are more applicable to me than ever before. Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." I love the idea that even though I may plan my life one way, the Lord is taking me where He needs me and where I really ought to be. I may not understand it right now and I probably won't understand it fully until I get to Heaven, but I'm perfectly OK with that. Excuse my obnoxious attempt at depth, but I've always attempted to come up with catchy titles for all of my blog posts, but this time I purposefully titled this post (untitled) because that's how I feel about my life right now. It's untitled. Yup.

Proverbs 20:24 "A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?"

"Life-FAH!"

I have not blogged for an awfully long time. I honestly have not been able to find time to actually sit down and write. I also haven't even been able to write in my journal. It is spring break and I am currently sitting at my parent's house without any immediate duties. It is splendid. I don't exactly know where to take this blog post right now...it most likely will not have any clever theme or extreme wit. I apologize in advance. It will, however, hold somewhat of an update on what my life has been like since I last posted. (The update will also be an undercover attempt at justifying why I have not blogged in over a month.) I feel awfully vain when I do "updates" and I feel as though the updates are also slightly in vain for I know I do not have a large fan base or anything like that, but I do prefer it that way. I'm sure I have stated this a multitude of times, but I blog for therapeutic reasons and the update will be nice to look back on a few months from now when my life will once again most likely be different in many a way.

Part of the reason I have been so extremely busy is because I got hired to work at the Betty Brin Children's Museum in downtown Milwaukee. I work anywhere from 20-30 hours a week. This is on top of my 18 credit class load which includes a production class and a lab. So I'm really quite busy, but it's a good thing. I enjoy being busy...to a certain extent. It's good, however, to know all of this hard work is paying off; I'm working towards my goal of graduating early and not being in extreme debt when I do graduate. Even though I don't get paid all that much I really couldn't have asked for a better job. It gets a little crazy, but each day is different and I like the variety. It's also a ten minute walk from my apartment and on the days where I accidentally oversleep and rush to put on some clothes, it's a 7 minute jog and occasionally a 4 minute sprint. It's also quite lovely being able to look out onto Lake Michigan as you're walking around picking up golf balls in "Raceways" or tidying up the "artist's studio". I actually enjoy sorting produce in the miniature play Sendiks at the museum, even though it's a never ending cycle. For as soon as you place that banana in it's proper location you know it's going to end up over by the deli.

I've also been having an enjoyable time in school. It's difficult, but definitely fun. I take modern dance, a class about the Milwaukee Community and a Mechanical Engineering class. I also have three film classes; a production class, a conceptual experimental film class and another conceptual class in which we analyze ideas such as "mise-en-scene", "montage" etc. I LOVE them all! One thing I learned this semester is that I could definitely spend the next three years of my college career in film, for it has become an even stronger passion than before I started the semester. I also learned, however, that it is EXPENSIVE and extremely time consuming. Expensive and time consuming do not go hand in hand. In order to pay off the dues of film (Kodak B&W tri-X etc.) you need to work...a lot. But when you don't have time to actually work you can't pay it off. If in my life time it was only myself I had to be concerned with, film would definitely be doable and something that I would invest my time and money into if I was able to use it as an outreach tool such as working in documentary. BUT I really, really want a family someday (By someday I mean 6-7 years down the road...) and I truly don't think it would be possible to commit myself to film and have a family. Some might say, well if you don't want a family for awhile why not just do film now? I've also decided that even though I love film I'd rather work directly with people. I'm happiest when I am outside of myself meaning I feel best when I can totally put aside my own wants, needs etc. and really focus on the needs of others which is why I have decided to major in Community Education and minor in psychology with the plans of going into an urban education program and getting my masters in Education which I hope to use working in the education department of a museum someday.

Community Education is also a very flexible degree so I can still take a lot of electives which means I can still take the conceptual classes which I love and are much cheaper than the production classes. I will definitely miss the production classes though. BUT I won't miss the Bell and Howell Filmo 70 DR! That thing is wicked! It weighs a good fifteen pounds and is a clunky little *@#! with no reflective lens which means I have to look through a viewing lens rather than just being able to look through the same lens which I'm actually filming with. As I'm typing this, though, I feel kind of bad for ripping on it...I guess I will miss it more than I thought. I kind of feel as though it was an unruly beast whom I learned about and tamed to produce well exposed 16 mm film, but I can also contribute that to my handy dandy sekonic. Oh I shall miss them all!

Wow...that was an awfully long post. I probably could have devided that up into three or four separate posts, but then again I have so many more things to blog about! I'm hoping to get back into the habit of it and at least blog for the remainder of spring break (which is quickly dwindling! Oi...)

p.s. The title doesn't have much relevancy other than this is how my "life-FAH!" has been lately...if you're wondering what this exactly sounds like when you say it out loud or where it came from watch this vid; you can do a hearing version of eye-spy to find it, so in other words ear-spy. "My Rollercoaster" by Kimya Dawson (aka Killing it awesome). Check it.

No one sees me write this blog.

The other day I was waiting for the bus as I do every morning. Often times when I am waiting for the bus Weezer comes on shuffle; which is nice. I like Weezer...a lot. That particular morning the song was, "In the Garage". My mind automatically started changing the lyrics to make them applicable to my life. This was the product...it doesn't really work with the music...

I've got my Morton's List.

I've got my 30-sided die.

I've got Safran Foer

And Salinger too

Waiting there for me.

Yes I do, I do.

I've got posters on the wall,

My favorite rock group, The Beatles

I've got Paul McCartney

I've got Ringo Starr

Waiting there for me.

Yes I do, I do

[chorus]
In my apartment, I feel safe.
No one cares about my ways.
In the apartment where I belong.
No one sees me write this blog.
In the apartment.

I've got a Dell Laptop
I play my settlers Catan (online).
I write these stupid words
And I love every one
Waiting there for me.
Yes I do, I do.

[chorus]

In the apartment. Neaarrah!

[chorus]

In the apartment, I feel safe.
No one laughs about my ways.
In the apartment where I belong.
No one sees me (x4)

No one sees me write this blog.

The real lyrics of this song I felt pertained very nicely to this little gem of a film. Check it.

NPR

Why hello blog!

Sorry I have been kind of ignoring you for the majority of February...

Well actually it's been more like having to put you aside...

I didn't really want to stop writing on you but life has been awfully crazy...

You know how it goes...

Yep. I kind of personify my writing mediums. In fact many of my journals have been named. I went over a couple of my journal entries from a few years ago and laughed at the holas and gutentags that began each entry and goodbyes that ended each one. I feel better giving something I confide in human like qualities; it all feels much more personal. I guess blogs don't really need to be entirely personified because they aren't exactly personal, but I just can't help apologizing for neglecting it. Life really has been crazy these past few weeks and not entirely the, "I went to the diner in funky clothes at three in the morning just for the heck of it!" kind of crazy; which is a good kind of crazy. These past few weeks have been more like, "I feel like I've fallen into an alternate universe where nothing is as it should be..." kind of crazy; which is a bad kind of crazy.

I blame it all on myself and my laziness though so I guess I really shouldn't state this craziness as "falling into an alternate universe." but rather as, "Much of what has occurred these past weeks have been crazy because I've let it become crazy..." I know what I need to do in order to keep my life on track. Drink tea. Get to bed before 11. Workout. Journal. Blog. Eat my fruits and veggies. Read my bible. PRAY. All things that are really quite simple in the grand scheme of things and awfully enjoyable.

I've begun to get back on track tonight by just chilling and talking to a very good friend of mine on the phone. We talked about how life has seemed so strange lately. It's so wonderful to have someone who can relate to even your most abstract sentiments and understand what you mean even when you are barely able to articulate it in any comprehensible manner. She and I are very much alike; I guess we do share similar blood being cousins and all :) We decided to do something that scares us every day from here on out. She said even as something as small as putting bananas in your cereal. (Which she did the other day and now loves.)

I've also been listening to NPR for the past hour. Boy do I love NPR. I can't believe I used to turn it off and put in Mates of State (They are awesome though...) while driving to school with my dad back in High School. I kind of wish I would have been more considerate and actually let him listen to it more often because I actually really really like it. I miss those car rides. I think one of these days I'm going to hop a bus home late at night sneak into my parent's house and just ride to school with my dad and then hop a bus back home. Yes! I like this idea very much. I'm going to do it next week. I'm excited! Anyhow NPR is awesome. There was one particularily interesting segment tonight with either a woman named Stephanie who was a nun or who was once on the verge of becoming one, I can't quite recall exactly but at one point in the interview she was describing a conversation she had with a priest who told her,

"You don't believe in resurrection Stephanie...you don't love your life."

He continued by saying that resurrection is not something in the future that happens after crucifiction but during it...and in a broader sense it's something that happens during the difficult times of life.

She said that this conversation changed her entire outlook on her faith and Christianity in general and she began to see life and focus on living.

I would have to listen to the interview once again to get a better grasp of this concept, but I think it is definitely an interesting thought.

I am very excited to continually listen to NPR with my meals each day and gather all sorts of interesting little tid-bits.

Until next time blog,

Kath.

"Made the bus in seconds flat..."

I think I would like to be a city bus driver. I think I would like that a lot...at least for a little bit.

I've been thinking about this for the past few days and decided for sure today after riding the bus home from the Milwaukee Public Library which is absolutely fabulous! I got my library card (which is actually quite a process) but nonetheless I now have more books awaiting me thus, ironically, less productivity. I just want to live in a library sometimes but sometimes I also want to be a bus driver.

SO, after I left the library I was riding the bus and decided to go ipod-less for once. I'm very glad I did because it is so nice hearing other people's conversation sometimes. The bus is the best place for this type of thing. The other day I heard two guys talking about philosophy, music and life. It was quite a lovely conversation to eavesdrop upon, but it was no where near as entertaining as the short convo I heard this evening.

Two guys got on the bus and the first guy who had a mini fro complained to the bus driver

"The barber took too much off! It's nearly all gone!"

(He still had quite a bit of hair on his head, however.)

The guy behind him, who was maybe in his late forties early fifties, had long shaggy hair and said,

"I'm not cutting my hair till the war ends. It's going to be as long as Jesus Christ's."

The bus driver was chatting back and forth with these two men the whole time. I sadly couldn't hear his voice though because it was so deep that it was inaudible to my ears.

The man with the long hair continued his proclamation with, "I'm a writer."

There's so many people's lives on this world I want to know more about! Sometimes I marvel in the idea that I might not even know that much about the lives of people I see every day, my parents and sometimes even close friends. It's sad, but there really is never enough time to intimately get to know the extreme multitude of people I'd like to get to know.

People are just so interesting.

Home.

In two of my posts for January I talk about storytelling and other forms of it inspiring various mediums; songs translated into literature, literature translated into film etc. The following is strictly fictional. Tenses are screwed up, characters vague and grammar pretty much non-existent. But it's awfully fun to take songs and make short vignettes out of them.

She often contemplates running. Not just the I feel like going for a run today type of running, but more like the I want to get away from here type of running. Running to anywhere but where she currently is. No matter how content she is. No matter how perfectly she fits into her surroundings. No matter how many people in her area love her. She wants to run. Selfish? Yes. She blames it on all of that literature she read as a child about people running off and finding themselves. She even goes so far as to blame The Box-Car Children. Homecoming by Cynthia Voigt was also a trouble-maker. The list grew with her years and extended into cliché and non-traditional novels alike. Who knew that the stable trait of book-worm would create a ravishing instability; a constant desire to get a way from “it” all (whatever that “it” might entail).

She takes hesitant steps towards the goal of running. She starts out walking at a very slow pace. Checking the prices of greyhound tickets; reading up on the dangerous cons and excitement filled pros of going all out and hitchhiking. In the midst of her slow pace she stops short. The cause of this pause is a boy. He is the type of person someone would want to run to and run to him she did. Each time they saw each other after being away for only a week at a time she would literally run into his arms. In running to him she momentarily ran away from her desire of running.

Eventually the desire to run came back. Her confusion of whether to stay in the arms of the boy she could hardly dream of running away from or whether or not to run with the incessantly pulling tug of that hardly depleted desire to run off only made her want to run all the more. The confusion was overbearing. He knew about her strong yearning to leave. He neither condemned it nor commended it. Rather when she spoke of it he would shrug his shoulders and say, Do what you gotta do. She only wanted to feel home. Never in her life had she felt at home. She never understood how someone could say, I’m going home now. The word home had no value to her. She lived in a house, she lived in a dorm, she lived in an apartment yet each one of these places had never felt like home.

She one day had a brilliant idea. He should run with me she thought to herself. But then she thought that to even ask him such a thing would be even more selfish than just running alone. He was not like her. He was always able to find contentment in his surroundings. He was always able to feel at home. One day she asked him what he would do if she got up and left. Very nonchalantly he responded, I would come after you.

Well what if you didn’t have to come after me so to speak. Could you come with me? Would you come with me? I just want to find home.

He pulled out his keys grabbed her hand and said Well let’s drive far far way until we find home. Donned with a smile she ran after him into the car. She wondered if he was just going along with this because he didn’t believe she actually had the guts to really leave. They drove for a while and silence sat inbetween them the whole time. When she was silent he knew not to intervene the torrents of her thoughts, he knew not to ask what are you thinking? She'd tell in due time.

After a few hours she looked over at him and she knew at that moment that she could drive forever; to wherever but instead she politely tapped silence on the shoulder and said I'm going to speak now and with silence gone loudly stated Stop driving. He pulled over and even though she knew that what he might be thinking is she gave up or her impulsivity and indecision set in once again she didn’t care. She set her pride aside. It was not important at this time. She came to a realization. She turned to him and whispered, I’ve found home. Home is wherever I’m with you.

you worry too much kid.

My brown leather loafers make me feel so academic. I look down at the book in my left hand and the foreign film in my right hand. I don't belong here. I don't. I smile though. I feel like a journalist in the midst of a protest. A traitor behind enemy lines. For the time being I'll take it for what it's worth. I'll suck the marrow out of this small, suburban college. It's shaping me back to that feisty kid I was in high school. It's making me see corruption and hypocrisy in a concealed, passive way. Everyone that walks past me, as well as my teachers think I want to be here for some reason or another. People have a choice as to what college they attend, so it's only natural for one to assume I'd want to be here. What gets me by is knowing I will soon be in my own apartment decorated with my art, indie rock bands, and pictures of Audrey Hepburn and James Dean.

I'll be an independent city girl in Milwaukee.

This is an entry from my journal on October 12th 2009. It's awfully funny to me, but reminds me that things always work out because here I am typing this blog post at my beautiful ten dollar good will table in my beautiful apartment downtown. The past few days I have been struggling with my stupid class schedule for next spring (which is less than a week away; eek!) and one thing I definitely miss at Carroll is how straightforward and simplistic the program I was in was. It was also very easy to get an advising appointment. This is not the case at Milwaukee, however I just have to remind myself that everything will be OK eventually. I've never incessantly worried about anything school related up until this past year, it's silly of me and it bugs me because I'm the Carpe Diem, Hakuna Matata, "Don't Worry about a thing" kind of girl. I'm sure there will be a blog post in the future of one of my journal entries right now of me wanting clarity in my program and such and I will have found my perfect niche. For now I will just have to keep praying and reminding myself that "Every little thing is gonna be alright."

It's going to be all right, yeah, you worry too much, kid It's going to be all right

Beatlemania

Last night Stephen (my boyfriend) and I hung out at my parent's house to celebrate my bro-in-law's birthday. We played Super Mario Bros on the Wii (which is really quite difficult), had Chinese takeout (I believe this marks the fifth time I've had Chinese take-out this month...) played Scene-it and had an enjoyable time. Later Stephen and I wanted to watch a movie, but since I've moved out for good my parents removed pretty much all movie watching devices from the downstairs except for a VCR so we had to settle for a VHS. I picked out Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band a 1978 movie musical to watch. I've seen parts of it when I was younger and thought it rather enjoyable because I've loved The Beatles ever since I could remember. This was the first time I actually watched the entire movie in one sitting, however. I personally would rank it in the top one hundred list of worst movies ever made, but boy is it entertaining. I found myself thinking the whole time, "Wow this is one messed up trippy movie..." but I was too engrossed in the bizarre colorful scenes occurring and constant song outbreak of classic Beatles songs covered by the Bee Gees, along with Aerosmith, Alice Cooper and Earth Wind and Fire to even care that it was pretty much void of plot and had some of the worst acting ever. I don't really think there was a single moment during the movie where I was actually silent. I found myself either singing along, laughing at something utterly ridiculous (which is pretty much the entire movie) or stating, "What in the world just happened?" or making some other random outburst caused by some random event in the movie.

The movie could be summed up in two words; trippy and random. It made me really want to watch Across The Universe and got me thinking about all of the other movies inspired by The Beatles; there's quite a bit out there. I'm not going to bother listing all of them, but I came across a Beatles album in a blog I was reading. The Magical Mystery Tour was listed in a post entitled "The Movies and Music That Inspired us to travel in 2009".

--Recommended by Greg Wesson from Greg Wesson’s Esoteric Globe
"Living is easy with eyes closed, said the walrus. Inspiring words to remind us to not take the gift of life for granted and be conscious of the choices we make. On the three days sight-seeing I spent in Liverpool, I couldn't stop humming Magical Mystery Tour. Liverpool is a city that is impossible to walk through without looking at it through Beatles-tinted glasses. For inspiring me both to live with my eyes open and go and visit the Mersey-side city of Liverpool, Roll up… Roll up… for The Magical Mystery Tour by the Beatles, released 1967."
(I also watched 500 Days of Summer today for the second time and I like how nicely it tied in with my movie choice last night through the brief, but imperative mention of Ringo Starr and "I am the Walrus" being the best Beatles song ever written.)

The Magical Mystery Tour was also the title of a TV film thought up of by The Beatles but mainly by Paul. One of the songs used in the movie is "Death Cab for Cutie" performed by the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. The title of the song just so happens to also be the name of my favorite band of all time. I think The Beatles is probably the most influential band-- film speaking. I can't really think of any other bands that have so incredibly inspired this aspect of culture, but there have been other songs which have inspired movies. Two songs that immediately come to mind are "Stand By Me" and "Pretty Woman" but these songs merely inspired the titles of the movies. Since songs are able to create a story, however, (Even classical music--Tchaikovsky; i.e. The Nutcracker) it is only natural that they be used for inspiration in other mediums of storytelling such as film (It's not obvious at all that I'm trying to make this tie in with my previous post...). I just love when creative worlds collide.

Do I dare?

When I walk down the city streets, when I sit on the bus, when I'm supposed to be listening in class, when I'm eating breakfast, when I'm doing pretty much anything I envision movie scenes. Not scenes from actual movies, but movies that I day dream about creating. I see so much through the lens of a video camera. I see where the angle would be, what would be focused, what wouldn't and yet I know so little about such things. I hear the soundtrack, the character's thoughts, the foreshadowing of an event soon to occur, the juxtaposition of one minor symbol to a more obvious and upfront theme. This is constant. Even in my sleep my dreams are set up as a movie is set up. I've been wavering in my decision of what to major in and though I'm only in my freshman year, yet technically sophomore standing, I feel the need to make a decision. I'm constantly fighting the battle of practicality vs. impracticality. Is it practical to go for a BFA in film? Most likely not. Would I love to go for a BFA in film? Yes. There's so much more solid confidence in the answer to the second question. Whether it may be impractical or not I'm beginning not to care because I've realized that this is something I really believe I'm passionate about. I suppose that could all possibly change once I get thrown into intensive classes and actually realize what it's all about, but I'm slightly doubtful of that seeing as I pretty much salivate over the thought of analyzing a foreign film and talking in detail about the various cinematographic devices used. I am passionate about so many things, however; art, dance, theater, literature, writing. The main reason I am so passionate about these various creative sectors is their capacity to tell a story or to get across a serious message without shoving personal values and ideals downs someone's throat. Creativity is the most peaceful, open-minded, enriching way to share important values. (It can also be manipulative, however, because it can disguise something wrong with beauty...) But nonetheless, I just adore the art of storytelling; whether it be through modern dance, a piece of visual art, a play, or a song. What I love about film is that it seems to tie in so many of these passions, thus I believe that film has the potential to be one of the best mediums of storytelling possible. This is semi off topic, but I rarely watch television, I don't know much about this celebrity or that, and I'm not the greatest advocate of the "entertainment" industry (meaning Hollywood and the like), though being entertained every now and then is by no means a bad thing there obviously needs to be an entertainment value in storytelling. There is a difference between quality entertainment and poor entertainment, but that's another blog post entirely. This leads me to a quote by Philip Kaufman which I like, "To me, thoughts are fun and art is fun. The strength of our society should not be idle entertainments but the joy of pursuing ideas." I enjoy film because it is so extremely intellectual to me "But having a really good understanding of history, literature, psychology, sciences - is very, very important to actually being able to make movies." George Lucas

Do I dare continue to utter, "That will one day be in one of my movies!" every time I inwardly think of something script worthy and rush to find the nearest piece of paper where I can jot down the idea?

Do I dare to stop putting myself down for all of these crazy ideas that really might actually have potential?

Do I dare go into a field that has such a powerful potential to express so much of what goes on in the world and my very own brain?

Do I dare aspire to create magic? "I think cinema, movies, and magic have always been closely associated. The very earliest people who made film were magicians." --Francis Ford Coppola

I really do have to wait and see what happens down the road and I have to keep praying, but I think that yes would be a wonderful answer to all of those questions.

A random development...

For the past three days of class I have been staring intently at my professor because he looks so familiar to me! Today I finally figured out why he looks so familiar. He so closely resembles Dwight Schrute; except he's an older version.

Today I also had my parents and my little brother Kyle over for dinner at my apartment. It was very nice and a wonderful change of pace to cook for them in my place. Kyle wanted to watch youtube videos and my dad got it set up on my computer for him. I walked by to see what he was watching and it was these weird Lego videos with people dubbing in voices for the little Lego characters. This is the video.

How in the world did it get almost three million views? I really do love youtube though. For the past few days I have been hanging out with two of my best friends. Sara who was home for a short time from college up in North Dakota and Josalyn who goes to school right in the city I currently reside in. I love them so much; they are two of the most interesting and enjoyable people to be around. One day this week we went to Panera and I brought my laptop because they have free wi-fi. Sara always knows these good youtube videos and Josalyn had a few to share as well. I chuckle just thinking of us three sitting in Panera watching ridiculous videos on youtube. Sara recommended these sock puppet shows which do parodies of various movies. They have quite an array of parodies; everything from Juno to The Reader. One of the reasons Kyle likes watching Lego stuff is because he's extremely obsessed with a video game he got for Christmas which is a Lego Indiana Jones video game. He apparently plays it constantly. When I was home for a bit last week I attempted playing it with him, but gosh it's hard! Anyways here's a sock puppet parody of the Indiana Jones trilogy!

Josalyn showed us a video of this guy who records himself singing various parts. He is a very good singer.

This reminds me of something else exciting that occurred while I was with Sara and Josalyn. Us three went to this really yummy, organic, super chill restaurant in Milwaukee called Beans & Barley. While we were ordering Josalyn noticed a man walking in and freaked out a little. I had no idea who he was but Josalyn said he was pretty much famous at one point and had been married to Halle Berry. His name is Eric Benet and he's a singer and was in the movie Glitter. Josalyn was trying to think of a way to get a picture with him the entire time we were eating. I was just nervous about the whole thing. After we paid I went to the bathroom and when I came out low and behold Sara and Josalyn were talking to him! I was very excited for Josalyn and it was so fun to see her so thrilled! Good things always happen when I hang out with those two :)

what one should do prior to naming a child.

Oh boy oh boy. I do not know where to start whatsoever. It has been a long, long while since I have blogged. This saddens me because so many big things have been occurring and I wish I could have written about them as they happened rather than after the fact. The events that have occurred over the past month are not remembered extremely vividly and thus posting about them would not be very fun because they would lack the seasoning of the crazy emotional, sporadic words that come forth when in the here and now of the moment. I am sure that sentence seems nonsensical but right now I am too thrilled, hyper and ADHD to begin and try editing it for those with minds that work much more efficiently than my own.

The reason I have been so busy this past month is because I have been working on my apartment! I went apartment searching, on I believe it was December 13 or so, and I found one that day. I went home and called back the landlady and she said I could move in three days later which was just crazy to me. I of course wasn't planning on living there for awhile, but it made things so much easier to start moving my stuff in and getting it all set up and such. I feel like this blog post is really boring right now. Sorry. I will try my hardest to make it more interesting, I'll add something funny at the end of the post to make it semi worth your read if you are actually reading this entire post. I love my apartment so much though. It's a lovely little studio with wood floors, except for the kitchen which has black and white tiles! Why the exclamation point you might ask for a semi-trivial seeming sentence? Well it has been one of my life goals to have a kitchen with black and white tiles even if the kitchen can barely fit one person in it.

I will have to take pictures of my place and post them on here. I feel so vain saying this, but I really think I did a good job decorating it. I really do. I put so much TLC in this place. I feel like I should name it, but you can't really name an apartment; people name their cars though...so much TLC though! My father and my friend Manda can attest to the grody state of the apartment prior to the hours and hours and hours of cleaning it. Intense cleaning is awfully therapeutic, however. There was just some weird grime around the place though; tons and tons of glitter and pearls. That sounds nice, but it was just grody. The fridge had some weird black/red goop that was everywhere and this is really scary and yucky but it semi resembled blood. Upon further inspection of the fridge though (which contained sushi stuff e.g. hibachi and the like...) I decided it has to be some weird soy sauce.

I love living in the center of downtown. This is my favorite thing about my new apartment. My location is prime. My favorite thing about living down here so far is being able to hop the bus whenever and get wherever. I am about to make an extreme public confession. I do not have my license. Many people know this already, but I have been avoiding the topic on my blog...blogging about the story of my trials and tribulations of driving would be quite funny, but I still don't feel like humiliating myself that much over my blog...yet. Maybe someday when I actually get my license I will be able to. Anyhow, I love the bus because I finally don't feel trapped. I have a way to get around and it's an awfully relaxing and entertaining mode of transportation. A lady came on the bus this afternoon and proudly announced, "Today is my birthday! 9:31 PM!" She continued to chatter to anyone and anything that would dare to listen. I wish I had had a present for her.

I also started my winter class at UWM yesterday. I signed up for the class thinking it was Oceanology, like studying dolphins, jellyfish and the like but upon attending the class realized it was actually Oceanography. I should really look at letters more carefully when reading a word. It's a nice, easy class though. I definitely enjoy it. The professor is really nice, but today he said something that sounded a bit strange I'm not going to put it into context so it will sound even stranger but he said something along the lines of, "Have an orange or a frappachino; whatever you call those things before naming a child." What do oranges and frappachinos have to do with eachother? I just don't understand.