I'm a Sentimental Gal.

There are quite a few things I want to blog about...

I have an entire list pretty much...

But right now it's very hard to focus...

My distractions are numerous...

I have alot of things I want to do...

I have alot of things I need to do...

So I will keep this blog post short...

Short, but sentimental.
My friend, Sara, who is already off in North Dakota for college, (Gah! I miss her so much already!) posted some videos of our lovely little trio on youtube. Through using the word trio one might assume she posted videos of singing...it's actually just three girls (Josalyn, Sara, and I) being beyond ridiculous. We're so obnoxious. I'm going to miss it. Granted we will see eachother over break, but boy is the world missing out without us three constantly terrorizing the peace and quiet of malls, trackmeets, and parks alike. These videos are a brief look into our strange, yet beautiful ways.

Shedding that stubborn pride...

For the past few days I've been attempting to clean up my room and organize all the junk I've accumulated from the past four years of my life. It's for the most part un-enjoyable; un-enjoyable to the extreme. I do, however, like sifting through sentimentalness, whether it be in the form of little notes from friends, letters, cards, and various writings of mine. This part of organizing my life is enjoyable; enjoyable to the extreme. I came across my sketchbook from first semester of senior year, which isn't even a year ago yet but the majority of it was filled with poems and sketches reflecting the turmoil of my indecisive nature; particularly the indecisiveness I felt towards my future plans. It is very gratifying to look back at all this now that I have made a decision for the upcoming school year. Even though it took me an unusually long time and though the road to my final decision was wind-y, I'm very happy with the journey and with the current decision destination (Who knows when it could change next?) One poem I found that was kind of funny goes like this...

Wow it’s 2009; that’s mind boggling to me…
It’s the year I graduate; yippee!
But right now I feel awfully lost
Graduating also comes with a cost
There are so many decisions, decisions.
I sure hope I have the provisions, provisions.
My mind is oh so very split
How do I know what college I’ll fit?
I’m obviously not good at poems
Nor am I cunning like Sherlock Holmes
What do I do? Where do I go?
I have no idea what direction to flow….

I'm horrible at poetry, but the illustration that went along with it was kind of charming. I'll have to scan it in tomorrow and post it. Oh, I've failed to even mention what my final decision was. It just so happens to be (Drum roll please...) The small, private college I wanted nothing to do with four months ago. It's just so funny to me. I've been such a stubborn wannabee rebellious kid this past year that I totally bypassed what the best decision was all along. Deep down I had wanted to go to Carroll over a year ago, but since my parents both graduated from there and since my Dad was constantly saying, "You're going to go there, I just know it..." I told everyone who mentioned it as an option for me that, "I'd never go there! Ever! It's way too close to home, and I want to get out, experience life." I think I mentioned a little bit of this in my previous post...anyhow, I've learned that sometimes parents are right, especially when we don't necessarily want them to be right. I'm so happy with where I'm going right now though, so actually I couldn't be happier that my parents proved me wrong. Wow! That sentence is something I would never say four months ago...I think I'm finally "growing up" a little.

The Lord Giveth. Taketh. Confuseth. Leadeth.

Whoa. Whoa. WHOA! What a summer! This is my second day home and already things are as Topsy turvy as ever. After spending my whole summer working at the most incredible place ever I am back into the "real" world and already things aren't seeming all that realistic. That's to be expected, however. What is "real" anyways...I'm gonna quick get a valid definition for this word. I feel like it's one of those vague, subjective type of definitions. real: not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory. The phrase "real world" as well as the TV show that goes by this name is so very contradictory. In a sin filled world, especially here in the U.S. things are in fact artificial. Camp is real, though. If I hadn't been at camp this summer I would have gotten three months of being lazy, beachy, and downright useless to society other than working some hours at a part-time job. Even though I missed out on this beautiful, vegetative state of the typical, teenage summer I wouldn't trade this summer for anything. I did have three days of laziness prior to coming home and it was priceless; far more valuable then three years worth of summer. I'm not quite sure what's going on in my life right now, however. It's quite a mess, but I can deal. The reason it's a mess is because where I'm going to school next year is still up in the air. Let's see if I can retrace the pattern of my thoughts on college. I'll start with my thoughts on college all the way back to Freshman year. I recall sitting in the computer lab taking some test on what I should look into as a career and thinking to myself, "This is so dumb. I already know what I want to do. I want to be an actress. I know it's not practical, but I've got a plan. I'll go to college in New York and it will all be splendid. This is a waste of time." Ahhh...gotta love naive freshman me. Sophomore year I was back in the stewards lab and this time it was of my own free will. I researched colleges at school as well as at home. I had decided I wanted to be a high school English teacher and I was totally set on this plan. My mom would come up to me while I was on the computer at home and say, "Go have some fun or spend time doing something else other than researching colleges, you have plenty of time for that next year." I kept on and would tell her that I needed to be prepared. I found lots of enjoyment in planning out my future; I hated high school since second semester of freshman year. Junior year rolled around and my thoughts were, "I wasted my time sophomore year researching all those four year liberal arts colleges. I want to be an artist. I'm going to go to art school." Some research time later, "Whoa...art school sure is expensive. Change of plans! I'll study art at a four year liberal college." As researched continued I realized that the only WI school that had a decent art program was Milwaukee. I applied beginning of Senior year. From there on out I realized I was running out of time to decide on colleges. To reflect the urgency I felt I will write in a fragmented, stream of conscience style. Milwaukee never felt quite right, though...I felt that I wanted to be challenged and I thought Milwaukee didn't exactly have an ultra challenging potential so I applied to the U of M. I wanted to get away, go to a big city, leave everything behind, start fresh, become an independent woman. Acceptance denied. "Milwaukee it is. It will be nice. I'm really into film lately; they have an awesome film program. I'll be the next Tim Burton. Success." I applied to housing at Milwaukee...sorry no more housing. I'm screwed. "I'll get an apartment. Why didn't I think of that sooner?! Now I'll be even more independent and I can cook my tofu in peace. It all works out so splendidly." This conclusion came at the end of April and I was more than satisfied with my decision. First week of May I get a letter from the U of M. Congratulations! You're accepted! What?! I was sent a letter of denial three times! THREE TIMES! My mom suggests visiting it. My dad is hesitant. "Why don't you just go to Carroll? They offered you a lot of money and it's not as far from home. It's a great school."

"Dad. You know I don't want to go there! I want to get away; experience the "real world" (ahhh..the irony.) The visit to MN was wonderful. My mom said it was the school for me. I was still hesitant. I wavered back and forth between MN and Milwaukee until the day before graduation. My friend said, "Go with MN, I think it's the best decision." I was like, "Sure what the heck. I'm not really leaving anything behind. I need to meet new people, I need to meet boys. MN is a big school with smart people and big schools with smart people have a good boy selection." MN it was. I took my placement tests for MN second week of camp. I got eight credits for Spanish; things were already looking bright. I unexpectedly met a boy at camp. The perks of MN were beginning to dim. I went to MN for orientation. I got fantastic classes. I had a blast. The light bulb suddenly grew wattage. I went back to camp and as the summer progressed my thought process changed from, "Yeah! I'm a funky, film loving girl who'll make sweet films and hopefully be single till I'm forty so that I can focus on my art." to "I'm really into Jesus and the film scene might get in the way of that. I actually don't want to be single till I'm forty. I kinda want to get married while I'm still at a ripe procreating age. Not right away, but someday I want a family. Can famous film-makers have family? Taratino doesn't...I still think I'd make a good teacher. WHY AM I GOING TO MN? I DON'T EVEN LIKE COLD WEATHER!" All this wavering and indecision bothered me. Not only was I confused, I was angry at myself for being so wishy-washy in my decision making processes. It was too late though, I was going to MN and that was that. I needed to make the best of it. End of July rolls around and I get my room assignment. My hall is on the opposite side of campus from all my classes. Negative. My roommate is the coolest person ever. Positive; a positive that far outweighs the negative. MN might not be too bad. As camp came to a close I was still a little worried about going to MN. I was scared for who I might be when I got there. Scared to leave behind so many people I grew to love more than I've ever loved anyone before. It'd be OK though. It'd be more than OK. When I got home on Friday, though I discovered that my awesome roommate was no longer my awesome roommate. I freaked for a moment, but was happy for her because she was able to get put into a hall that was far more convenient for her. Now it is Sunday and I am still roommate-less. This is understandable. The MN housing department has a lot to deal with. I, however, will have a lot to deal with now that I have to wait for the housing department to tell me who I will be spending all of next year with. MN doesn't really look like where I'm supposed to be anymore. Do I have any other option though? I'm still accepted at Carroll. Would they take me? Most likely. I actually want to go there now. They have an art education program and after watching Matilda tonight I decided I want to be a teacher. Miss Honey is so very inspiring. So here I am still confused about college and still not sure where I will be going to school for the fall and it is August 16th. God has great plans for me and though I haven't a clue to what they are I'm excited for them. I am praying, though that some plans (the three week down the road plans) are revealed soonly because the haze of indecision, confusion, and self-doubt is thickening and I'm not the best driver as it is...hold up Kath. Rethink this. You need to scoot over to that passenger seat and let Jesus take the wheel, and no I'm not referring to that song by Carrie Underwood...(When I type in third person...it's serious business.) So my advice for myself and anyone else who may read this is: Jesus is the best driver there is. Far better than Jeff Gordon and any of those other NASCAR dudes. Though I may not always know where he's driving me, I gotta trust it's all in his plans for me and the cool thing is I already know where my final destination is; it's Heaven. I just need to serve Him until he takes me there. So I guess I know more than I thought; at least the most important thing I need to know. Boy, blogging sure is therapeutic.